Saturday, September 16, 2006

sharing carnal desires with paris hilton

I have stated that I have never thought Ms. Hilton to be particularly attractive physically and that her public persona leaves me cold. That is what I said. However, she recently made international headlines when busted for DWI in a vain, desperate attempt to fulfill our shared passion. The truth is now out. In fairness to her, it is really not her fault. The poor thing couldn’t help herself. The carnal desire that we both share was too strong, too overpowering.

If you read more than the headline, the newspaper article revealed the object of her desire. Paris was pulled over while going to get a hamburger from In-N-Out.

In-N-Out is a California institution. It was a small chain of small hamburger stands when I was a teenager. They had only a drive-up and a less-used walkup window. No indoor seating. This was California where the only appropriate place to eat an In-N-Out burger was in your car.

They had, and still have, the best hamburger in the land that invented fast food and the drive-up window. While once few and far between, In-N-Out franchises are today ubiquitbous in Southern California. A few now have indoor seating but the vast majority do not. I have the menu memorized. It is pretty basic: French fries, hamburger, cheeseburger, double-double burger (double the cheese and meat) in addition to shakes (excellent, very thick, three flavors only) and soft drinks.

The hamburgers are nothing fancy. Just your basic burger with lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, ketchup, and a Thousand-Island-type sauce. It has not changed in over 40 years. They do not cook the hamburger until ordered, even though the next dozen customers waiting in line are guaranteed to order at least a dozen burgers. Where else you can get 1950’s style burgers at a drive-up window?

They are just plain good.

How good?

1. One day at lunchtime we drove past an In-N-Out without indoor seating. There was a line of people, forty or more deep, standing at the walkup window. This is in an area with numerous fast-food outlets and Californians are loathe to stand in lines. However if the drive-up lines are excessively long at In-N-Out, some Californians will take the extreme measure of actually leaving their cars and using the walk-up window. This happens no where else.

2. When my sister made of list of things to do during our recent trip to Southern Cal, at the top was “lunch at In-N-Out.”

3. My only souvenir of the entire trip was an In-N-Out t-shirt.

Many probably shook their heads at the headlines, wondering what this spoiled, empty-headed, rich girl was thinking when got into her car after having a few drinks. Californians knew she was thinking, “I want a double-double!”

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